When “Obedience” Isn’t So Simple: Rethinking Our Expectations for Dogs
I was reading a new client’s intake form recently, and an internal alarm went off. The client emphasized that having an “obedient” dog was their top priority. I get it—who doesn’t want a well-behaved dog? But what does “obedient” really mean?
By definition, obedience means complying with orders or submitting to authority. We humans have had to comply many times in life, so it’s natural to expect dogs to do the same. But here’s the catch: should we expect dogs to always obey every request, all the time? Is that fair or even realistic?
In my view, a healthy balance is essential—between expecting compliance and honoring our dogs’ natural needs and instincts. When obedience tips too far toward control, we risk compromising the dog’s quality of life.
This balance also comes down to training effort. The higher the expectations, the more consistent and intensive the training needs to be. This is where many pet parents struggle, because it’s tough to sustain.
I’m reminded of a nutritionist’s story: a client who lost weight but wanted a “six-pack.” The nutritionist explained that achieving that next level would require huge sacrifices—far beyond what most are willing to commit. Similarly, expecting a dog to be perfectly obedient is a big ask, and often underestimated.
Are we asking dogs to give up their animal nature for our convenience? That’s a question worth pondering. So how can we find a fair and joyful balance?
What Every Dog Should Learn
Safety Behaviors:
- Waiting calmly at doors to avoid dangerous encounters.
- Coming reliably when called, especially off-leash.
- Avoiding harmful items or wildlife.
- Giving up valuable or dangerous objects when asked.
Everyday Joy & Cooperation:
- Lying down on command to keep out of the kitchen or when guests arrive.
- Walking nicely on a loose leash (no dragging, please!).
- Alerting us to visitors, then stopping barking when redirected.
- Getting along peacefully with other dogs in multi-dog homes.
Fun & Mental Stimulation:
- Playing tug safely, which also helps with recall.
- Chasing balls or Frisbees safely.
- Learning tricks and behavior chains that keep dogs engaged and happy.
- Enjoying interactive toys that challenge their brains.
- Participating in fitness activities like biking or agility—mindful not to overdo it.
Final Thoughts
Your “must-have” behaviors may differ, and that’s perfectly fine. What matters is being realistic, thoughtful, and honest about what your dog can give—and what you can commit to. Understanding dog behavior and motivation helps us set fair goals that benefit both of us.
After all, training is a partnership. When done right, it enriches life—not just enforces obedience.